Grove of the Other Gods
Spring Equinox
Limerick Ritual to Manannan Mac Lir
Liturgist and Druid-in-Charge (D.I.C.): Jason Cook
As we had made Limericks a theme of the Ritual, the thought was to have people do the various steps for the ritual as normal (if a bit quicker) and then close with an appropriate limerick. Ed and I crafted the limericks, and the idea was to have them printed out and in an envelope for the presenter to open and read at the appropriate moment. For the steps where we had more than one limerick written, the presenter was given a blind choice.
Or, in some cases, the invoker used a limerick of their own devising.
The "extra" limericks were available for people to recite at the end of the Main Praise Offering.
This turned out to be a lot of fun for everyone.
(See the end of the script for a list of who wound up invoking whom or what.)
We did not do the usual songs (partially time constraints, partially energy flow).
52 people attended the rite, which was held outdoors at Portal of the Porcupine.
Limericks by:
J= Jason Cook, E= Ed Chapman,
and Annie, Cecily, Jeff, Monika, and Jenniforensic
INVITE
There once was a Grove in New Brunswick,
giving their praise in limerick,
you should get to know'em,
bring your own poem,
they might just turn you a trick!
(or: they might just make you a DIC) -J
On March 24th, a Saturday,
Druids will be in Piscataway.
Come join us in town
but keep your head down
as the bad puns fly this way and thataway. -E
START AND PURIFICATION: 3 CHIMES
STATEMENT OF PURPOSE
"We are here to honor the Gods. Old ones who give life to everything that is, give to us your presence."
(Brief discussion of ritual and holiday.)
*Spring is upon us, we celebrate our Grove’s Gatekeeper,
we bless our tools, and we renew the waters of the Grove’s sacred well.
DIC reads Opening Limerick:
Mannanan wanted a ritual limerick
so he inspired us quite quick
not to annoy
so do enjoy
so says your big swinging D.I.C. -J
EARTH MOTHER
There once was planet called Earth
big, bouncy, and heavy of girth
she met up with a Druid
who fervently woo'd
and dug her for all she was worth. -E
Extras:
A Druid may prove his worth
by pleasuring Mother Earth
and plant his tree tall and thick
in a hole wet and slick
or maybe lick a little turf! -J
There once was a planet from Sol
a randy old gal with a mole
she'd be rich as a Getty
if she had a penny
for every time she'd been maypoled. -E
MUSE
"I am the Secret you all wish to Know.
Near Iron and Bronze are my Smiths that blow
the air through the flames
of the metals that they tame,
and their dreams are shaped from the flow.
I am the Secret you all wish to Hear.
All know my Music when my Spirit is near
It inspires the heart
join Me now and take part,
for I'm the Muse that you all hold most dear.I am the Secret you all wish to Feel.
I look on your faces, those I will Heal
See the Flame in my hair
breathe in, I'm almost there
In your hearts is where I am real!"--Monika
Extras:
Brigid's face is handsome
and most think her wholesome
but fire is passion
love's not to be ration'd
when invocation's an instant foursome! -J
Some nuns down in County Kildare
worship a Goddess-- how queer!
A virgin, they thought her,
till other folks caught her
on fire with more than just prayer! -E
Inspiration's a fire in the head
by Brigid the bright flame is fed
it's good to be creative
and of course innovative
especially when headed a'bed! - J
MEDITATION
All beings of this incarnation
Can benefit from meditation
Now be at peace
Thoughts should cease
Especially those of fornication! -J
DIRECTIONS
In honor of Manny MacLir
Who's half-Fae and also loves beer
North Stout, East Pisky
West Ale, South Whiskey
Surrounding this drunken lot here. -Annie
From the North came a Druidess bold
and this is the tale that she told
"I don't need 'em wise,
but of goodly size
so that they don't shrink in the cold." -J
There was a Druidess in the East
Mercurial to say the least
be it boy or girl
she'll give a whirl
her appetites never ceased! -J
A Druid who lived in the South
Was known for his sizeable pouch
He was shocked one day
When he heard someone say
“Boy, you got a purty mouth....” -J
A young Druid, one of our best,
went to his reward in the West.
He said, "Summerland's lazy,
but the girls here are crazy,
they won't let my poor manhood rest." -E
The center is the fifth direction
of our druid love connection:
He felt a great tug
but she only shrugged
and said "where is your sacred erection?" -Cecily
WELL
A gentleman wishing to drink
from a well should first stop and think:
if it smells like cologne
best leave it alone;
a well that is tasty don't stink. -E
Extra:
A Well's very deep, it is said --
As deep as some thoughts in your head.
But if they pull you down,
There's a chance you might drown --
When you'd rather be swimming instead. -Jenniforensic
FIRE
A flickering Flame is a joyful Dancer,
the crackling hearth its percussion,
It rises and twirls toward the sky
in an erratic and joyful rhythm,
The Warmth of the fire reminds us
of the warmth of the spring, finally returning,
So Dance, Dance for joy with the fire! -Kerry
(Note- not a limerick, but a nice invocation nonetheless)
Extras:
A caveman's nightly desire,
a light it did require--
to see girls nude
and get in the mood,
so he mastered the bright fire. -J
A lady who wishes to light
a fire that lasts through the night
should be able to handle
a pretty big candle--
'tho a number of small ones just might. -E
TREE
A gentleman hung like a tree
met a woman like Sheela-na-gig.
"From the sky to the grounds,
my love knows no bounds--
I've found the right woman for me." -E
GATEKEEPER
An Dagda may be a lout
but he isn't one to flout--
he mounted the Morrighan
while walking the shore agin'
it's good to have a club so stout. -J
GATE OPENING
Please help us, or we'll be left mopin'
Without you, we've no chance of copin'
To thee we give praise
And all of us say-s
"Let. The. [people catch on, or are waved to join in if they don't]
GATES BE OPEN." --Jeff
Extra:
Open the Gates quite wide
There’s no need to hide
If it’s warm and it's wet
It’s a good bet
We’ll all come inside. -J
OUTSIDERS
There are many beliefs in the Wiccan sect
but one thing they do not fret
a pretty priestess for Gardner
made him all the hard'ner
and leaves the Dianics all wet. -J
ANCESTORS
Isaacs's a Druid of great wit
an Ancestor to be honored in rit
first he must expire
and we do so tire
Shouldn't he be on with it? -J
Extra:
"You can't wake a man from the dead
by praying over his bed.
It tests my faith in
reincarnation,
but Viagra works better," she said. -E
NATURE SPIRITS AND SPIRITS OF PLACE
The shepherd shared this insight
“Behold the sheep so white
Beyond fur and food
When I’m the mood
They can sate that other appetite.” -J
GODDESSES AND GODS
If the old stories are so,
of where Gods and Goddesses go,
they'll make an appearance
when they spy the rear ends
of innocent shepherds below... -E
MAIN INVOCATION
(Sung to the tune of "Popeye the Sailor Man" with Annie's accompaniment on tin whistle)
"There's many a limerick told (toot toot)
of sailors who've made themselves bold (toot toot)
with women and men
and even dolphin--
they know how to use their blow-holes! (toot toot)
But the one who does it the best (toot toot)
from the Isle of Man to the West (toot toot)
Man-na-nan Mac Lir
who brought us all here
for one of his three-legged jests! (toot toot)" -E
Extra:
A three leg'd god got her with guile
keeping Cormac's wife a while;
of wonders to remember
it's his third member
that she recalls with a smile. -J
There once was a god named Manny
Who liked girls with a nice fanny.
When asked whose ass
He most liked to grasp
He smirked and replied, “Why, any!” -Annie
PRAISE
DIC to start with one of the Manannan limericks...
Others to read their own limericks or offer other praise...
The extra limericks were offered at random to people to read.
OMEN READING
Our limericks have you all moanin'
and this ritual has you all groanin'
Now I'm really in dread
'cause we'd like the kindred
to give the grove seers a good omen... -J
(OMEN READING FROM A BIG BOOK OF 1,700 DISGUSTING
DIRTY LIMERICKS)
(Our omens all involved nature:
a limerick about testicles turning into toads,
a limerick about a woman eating horseshit
and
a limerick about a man abusing the crotch of a pine tree.
Our omen readers let everyone interpret these for themselves and relate these omens
to their own personal circumstances.)
2 MAGICKAL WORKINGS:
TOOL BLESSING
(DIC to read Tool Blessing Limerick before beginning.)
Many are the tools that a Druid employs
be they for work or pleasurable joys
I will be impressing
that there's a private blessing
for those bringing sex toys! -J
GROVE WELL BLESSING
(DIC to read Well Blessing Limerick before beginning and add his waters.)
From deep in the Well of Creation
the Ancestors call for no hesitation
this is the cry
"we're awfully dry,
Send us down some fresh lubrication! -J
(Have two people hold a blue cloth over the well and move it
like the sea and have people duck under it, one at a time, like
they're going underwater to make their offering into the well.
Norma to bless the well....)
CATECHISM OF THE WATERS
The Kindred have heard us and sent us their guidance and blessing
And of what does the Earth Mother give that we shall know
of the continued renewal of life?
THE WATERS OF LIFE
and from whence do those waters come?
FROM THE BOSOM OF THE EARTH MOTHER,
THE EVERCHANGING ALL MOTHER
And how do we honor this gift of life?
BY PARTAKING OF THE WATERS
and has she given forth of Her bounty?
YOU BETCHA (or OKEY DOKEY! or Be Siodh (Bee Shay) )
DIC says Waters of Life Limerick:
From my heart I truly confess
I fear this ritual a mess
I do really think
I could use a drink
So these Waters I now bless! -J
BLESS AND PASS WATERS
Every dirty rhyme, every obscene thought, every laugh today
and whatever we have felt behind the laugh, has been poured into the Gates
and now we each decide to accept the return flow of those energies
or to give them up to Earth.
Think about it –
be conscious of what you are getting yourself into–
And partake the Waters of Life! -J
THANK YOUS
We hope that our Gods are kind
and our Spirits and Ancestors find
our ritual funny
and limericks punny
and don't mess around with our minds....
The Earth Mother too we should pray
finds our ritual joyous today
An Dagda and Brigit
we also hope dig it
and Manannan too, it's his day. -E
CLOSE THE GATES
The Gates have been held open wide
by Dagda's great club poking inside
but I just heard a shout
he's about to pull out
and let loose a white salty tide! -J
Close the Gates/Dismissal (dismiss in standard form and then say this.)
Now comes the time we hates,
But it’s ordained by the Fates,
The party, it ends
So long our friends,
Now let’s Close those Gates! -J
CLOSE OF RITUAL
The Druid before you is quite beat
I feel it's time for us all to retreat
We've all shot our wad
in praise of the Sea God
C'mon, it's time to eat! -J
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Cast of Invokers:
D.I.C & Liturgist- Jason
Earth Mother - Tricia
Muse - Monica
Meditation - Jeff
Directions - General=Annie,
North=Kat, East=Hillary, South=Danielle, North=Nora,
Center=Cicely
Well - Norma
Fire - Kerry
Tree - Evan
Gatekeeper & Gate Opening - Jeff
Outsiders - Deb
Ancestors - Jen
Nature Spirits - Lauren Z.
Gods and Goddesses - Maggie
Main Deity - Ed
Omen - Annie, Pat, Marc
Passers out - Chuck, Cicely, Lauren Z
Pourers - Maggie, Malcolm, Tricia(Thanks, Tricia, ritual metaprompter, for the whodunnit....)
--------Click here for ritual photos!!
