Quotes from GOG's ritual to Eris!
Collected by Kristen

"I'll tell you the whole sordid tale...including the dancing ladies." (Jeff)

"So what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" (Jeff)
"And how many times have you heard that line?" (Jenniforensic)

"Observing from a safe distance." (Kristen)
"Should I take a step back then?" (Jeff)
[Please don't touch- violaters will be punished by death]
"So what happens if I do this?" *pokes her*
"You will be punished by death?" (Nora)
"In what way?"
"I'm opting for silence."

"One of Isaac's thongs? You heard stories about Isaac's thong? I don't want to hear the words Isaac and thong in the same sentence." (Jenniforensic)
"He's got good legs."
"Isaac and a banana hammock is not perfectly fine!" (Jenniforensic)

"Whenever he wants something it's like, 'the girl, the girl! She's mine, but I'm shameless!' "

"I'm going to the largest rock and mineral show in the Northeast for 3 weeks. I might not want to come back. Does that process with you people?"
"But then you'd miss the overnight." (Jeff)

"I don't take breaks."
"In many circumstances this would be very admirable."

"I'd like to be able to fail final exams so I can sleep with the teacher, but I rarely do." (Jeff )

"Someday I'll get you and your army of flying monkeys."
"I have an army of flying monkeys?" (Jenniforensic)
"It's not me!" (Patty)
"What if they're trained flying ninja monkeys?" (Jenniforensic)

"Take it from me before I keep it forever." (Jenniforensic)
"It's a pretty apple."

"What's wrong with the Patty?" (Kristen)
"I'm scared." (Patty)
"Of who?" (Kristen)
"Half the room." (Patty)

"If it comes out of her nose, you win."

"You know what the ancient Greeks always said? A one-armed man should never have sex with an octopus." (Jeff)

"Are you taking my job again?" (Jeff)
"What's your job? I'm here to be cute and charming and horrifying." (Jenniforensic)
"She's a triple threat."

"The planning meeting for this ritual was beautiful and inspiring, and put the heat out in our house for 3 days." (Norma)

"I will start as I always start- 'we are here to honor the gods'. Yes, all of them not just you, sweetie." (Norma)

"The meditation today will be about... oh shit." (Norma)
"This gets spread around."
"Shit usually does."

"We're not doing like, 'Taboo' invocations."

"We're honoring the earth mother so the floor doesn't drop out from under us." (Norma)

"Yay power water! Eris gets her vitamins."

"You got the word?"
"It's a four letter word."
"Starts with 'f'."

"You could put your foot in the water, it's very grounding."

"Fire + electricity equals neh."

"...chose words that are appropriate."
"Bad sock monkey."
"Can you imagine trying to call ancestors with that?"

"They aren't abstract. These are Your ancestors, Your nature spirits, Your Gods and Goddesses."

"That's better than the flaming ghee balls."

"Brice...you've been to a couple of rituals." (Norma)
"Can I do water again?" (Brice)

"The God of Stuff."

"I think most of us know Eris. Jeff knows Eris better than most, but I'm learning fast." (Norma)

"That's a complete lie."
"-but it's completely true."

"Wait a minute while I show you my ass and get the scripts." (Norma)
"Where is Ed, I'd like to shake his hand." (Jeff)

"No, you're saved."

"This is a reading of the play- rehearsals are for weenies." (Norma)

"Which is why I tell men to look me in the blue eyes, not the pink ones." (Nora)
"Geoff got doom! Geoff totally deserved doom." (Kristen)
"After last night, yeah he did." (Patty)

"You're supposed to pick one, not three."
"Says who?" (Jeff)

"Auntie Norma wants you."

"You'll be chibi Zeus!"

"Who else wears a thong?"
"I hate you all."

"So, how badly can I fuck this up?"
"How badly do you want to fuck this up?"

"Why do you think I don't read? I'm moody enough without them." (Jenniforensic)

"And order reigns." (Norma)
*mass snickering*

"We are here to honor the gods." (Norma)
*cell phone rings*
"Oh, that hurts."
"Goodbye dignity, it was nice knowing you." (Norma)

"If we didn't have the Trojan War, imagine how boring The Illiad would be!" (Hillary)
"Check please." (Jenniforensic)

"One of these years, we'll have to do a serious Yule." (Norma)
"That's why we love you Norma, you're so optimistic." (Jenniforensic)

Ambulance bells proceed to go off during the meditation.

"Yeah, relax your ass." (Norma)
"Not too much." (Misha)

"As long as you chose it, [...] go with the flow." (Norma)

"And just say to hell with it, because you chose the kiss of Eris." (Norma)

"The gnomes have a new way to say hooray!" (Ed, from the basement)
"Oh, you wait, I have plans." (Norma)

"It's traditional to make a fool of yourself at Yule." (Norma)

Wassail= "Your drunk neighbors showing up at your door demanding another drink."

"And now we make another sacrifice to Yule." *Norma pours liquid down the hole*
"That wasn't water." (Misha, to Ed)
"We were too relaxed during the meditation."

"You! You two are in the completely wrong place." (Ed, to Patty and Jenniforensic)
"Well, duh." (Patty)
"You-" (Ed)
"-don't even think about it." (Norma)

(Tug of war with flag pole through the floor...)
"It's my husband, I can do this."
"Isn't that more Beltane? The hole and the pole?"

"In honor of fire and its children, passion and hatred."

Sign appears: [Shit Happens]
"What was that about relaxing too much?"

"Shut up, we have somebody trying to invoke." (Norma)

Lights (Fire?)
"Look, it's doing Morse Code!"
"S. O. S."

Sign: [Shit doesn't happen]
"Particularly when you want it to."
"There are drugs for that." (Misha)

"The tree...um, yeah." (Patty)
"Best invocation ever!" (Hillary)
"It's what holds us together. I think." (Patty)

"Ed, accept our offering."

" 'Reality' fell to the ground."

"Gee, I'm terribly shocked." (Jenniforensic)
"No, but if you stand over there and touch the Christmas lights you will
be." (Misha)

"And Hermes is also an egotistical fuck." (Blue)
"What, Hermes said he wanted you to do Aphrodite?" (Norma)
"Don't start with me." (Blue)

"It's starting to look a lot more like Robitussin and a lot less like blood, and that makes me happy." (Norma)
"It's beginning to look a lot like Nyquil..." (Jeff )

"Then you bright and shining ones, you noble ones, [...] you who teach us to be like the Gods. You can go sit on the fucking porch." (Norma)

"And I am Melpomene, your muse of tragedy for the evening." (Jenniforensic)
"Every writer is a liar." (Daphne)

"We also do need chaos, because we're mortal and that's the only thing that pushes us."

"Sometimes we end up with ancestors who shouldn't've gone before us, but
they did." (Sandrock)
"Just be there, just listen."
"Don't become an ancestor before you're supposed to." (Sandrock)

"What's going to happen when the well overflows?"

Nature Spirits
"We ask you for fertility." (Brice)
"Not a good thing at a chaos ritual."
"We ask you to prepare for chaos' seed." (Brice)
"Nature spirits, accept our offering- but not in my uterus."

Gods and goddesses (Nora)
"It is said often that the Gods take care of fools and children. How fortunate for us then, that we are the Gods' fools and children. Call on the Gods whose fools and children you are."

"Um, hear me?" (Zeus)

"What is it I wrote down on this apple?" (Jeff)
"For a good time call..."

"We have a great deal more self-inflicted psychological warfare." (Jeff)

"We like to look at the tricksters as being mirrors of life." (Jeff)

"Eris is the force that counteracts [...] the perfection, the immortality of the Gods. Eris represents entropy." (Jeff)
"He moved." (Norma)
"Why is the bow moving in the well when there's no current?"

"There would be northing more Discordian than to come to a pagan ritual and read Scripture." (Misha)
"Will it hurt us?" (Jenniforensic)

"The omen is to fly." (Peg)
"Eris says 'go take a leap.' " (Norma)

Museum of Awful Gifts
"That is perfect for formal occasions."
"Like the opening of your next museum."

"I heard a story about a sweatlodge and I thought you were there." (Jenniforensic)

"Say 'sacrifice'!"

"I've been made temporary elf of the moment."
"Motion carried."

re: reality. "Like sex, it should be consensual." (Ed)
"What's the word for unconsensual reality?" (Geoff)
"Reality rape."
"Is that a grope-reality-gangbang?"
"That's it, I'm going to have to wear a full body condom to GOG events." (Hillary)

"The gel candle will explode."
"I just heard the gel camel will explode."
"You could microwave it."
"And drink it."
"I think that might pose digestive..."

"Was anyone not in New Hope Saturday?" (Brice)
"How are you sure you're seeing me now?"

"People getting up in your nose is part of the joy of large events." (Norma)
"There are people here I don't wish to play adult slip and slide with."

"Children of Norma."
"There's an entire tribe of Normas."
"I don't want to be sacrificed to the corn."

"Don't beat the Patty."

"We were just saying we hoped it was you or Santa Claus because we didn't want to die." (Nora)

Cleavage signs- "The answer is no." "Illusion."

"Shit happens."
"Shit doesn't happen."
(War of the signs) "So this is natural selection at work."

"Parents give the worst presents."

"Here, here's a handmade dildo from my ceramic class."

"Do a driveby for Jesus."

"Chaos causes broken sticks."
"Shut up."

"Hello ass-the-size-of-Kansas." (Jeff, addressing Princess the guinea pig)
"Grunts would get on top of Squeakums and grunt and Squeakums would squeak."
"The animal's antichrist, that would be Princess."
"I'm a nasty bitch, what do you want?"
"Yeah, do you feel the warmth?"
"That's the only warmth you're going to get out of her."
"She left a present."
"Yeah, shit happens"

"Snakes or ladders?"
"[...] I think we just slither around."

"...and so if we hadn't become Druids, we could be gathering people in our living room to talk about how aliens are poisoning our drinking water."