SAMPLE
PWYNCO!
(Oh but the ones at the ritual were far, far worse than these....
and some of the ones at the planning meeting were even funnier, but
just not fit for public company...)
MARI
PARTY (25)
The Mari Lwyd is in the hall
Pray let her in to visit you all
At Yuletide
I don't want to argue any more
Let me in or I'll break down your door
At Yuletide
If you don't have a rhyme to say
Then let me in without delay
At Yuletide
It's easy to taunt the Mari Lwyd
But I'd rather be that than be called a Druid
At Yuletide
You speak in human tongue and call it wit
But I, for one, would call it s---
At Yuletide
If rhyming couplets are a must
Then your ritual is sure a bust
At Yuletide
After this I may go on a bender
But I promise you I will never surrender
At Yuletide
Isn't this a cute little Druid play
But where are the REAL Druids anyway
At Yuletide
If you were funny, if you were the best
You wouldn't have to laugh at your own jest
At Yuletide
I wish around this town we were touring
The insults from this group are boring
At Yuletide
Here's a word from the ghostly Mare
It seems like all Druids are full of hot air
At Yuletide
I may be related to asses and donkeys
but I'd rather be that than a poop-flinging monkey
At Yuletide
I may be a horse in a sheet
but at least my rhymes are sweet.
At Yuletide
Compared to the elegant Mari Lwyd
You Druids are just kind of crui- d.
At Yuletide
Yes, horses poop, and that is true
but at least we don't talk shit like you!
At Yuletide
I've got nothing better to do at Yule
than to stand and trade insults with a room full of fools.
At Yuletide
To think I could have been shopping at the mall
instead of getting sold shit by you all.
At Yuletide
In Wales, they're wittier than you by far
But you're all funnier-looking than they are
At Yuletide
Your rymes don't make for a good game
is everyone in Jersey this lame?
At Yuletide
Are all Druids like this crowd?
Ignorant and rude and loud?
At Yuletide
You Druids move pretty slow
compared to all the horses I know
At Yuletide
There
are two of us and lots of you
You'd think that we'd have more to do
At Yuletide
A roomful of druids and a week's worth of time
and you can't come up with a better rhyme?
At Yuletide
Well, that last one was pretty meek
And I'll bet you were working on it all week.
At Yuletide
GOG
PARTY (24)
We will not let the Mari in
Here is a contest you will not win
At Yuletide
If we let the Mari in the door
We'll end up with horse poop on the floor
At Yuletide
I think this tradition is really neat
But I still think you look like a guy in a sheet
At Yuletide
Druids jest with wit and class
Even against a horses a---
At Yuletide
How can you think we'll taste defeat
When you can't neigh and only bleat
At Yuletide
We'd rather be Druids of wisdom and grace
Then be bridled with a horse's face
At Yuletide
You're not the scariest ever nightmare
With all those ribbons in your hair
At Yuletide
Nobody
in this Grove is so thick
As to lose to a newspaper horse on a stick
At Yuletide
At least I speak with a civil tongue
Instead of neighing for someone to scoop up my dung
At Yuletide
You may think you're creepy and aloof
We think you're more like cat food on the hoof
At Yuletide
Your snappy comebacks only work
Because of some wire and a jerk
At Yuletide
Christmas day is not long past
So the Mari Lwyd can kiss my---
At Yuletide
You think those ribbons make you fair
but you're still an old gray mare
At Yuletide
You may be covered by a sheet
but we can smell your stinky feet
At Yuletide
There's a horse's head and a horse's gut--
stands to reason there's a horse's butt
At Yuletide
Your conversation leaves no doubt
that you've contracted hoof-in-mouth
At Yuletide
Your head will sag, your wit will flag
'cause after all you're just a nag
At Yuletide
If you insist to hassle us further
We'll see you wind up as a White Castle burger
At Yuletide
I'd
diagnose-- from the way you fight us--
bovine spongeform encephalitis
At Yuletide
(If
you can't tell a mad cow from a horse who's pissed
it's time to go see an optometrist.
At Yuletide)
I can't imagine anything more skanky
than a big long nose wearing a giant hanky
At Yuletide
You can cover yourself with ribbon and bell
but you can't hide that horse poop smell
At Yuletide
With first-timers here I think you'll agree
we really need to keep these rhymes PG
At Yuletide
OK, this game is at an end
a holiday truce I do extend
At Yuletide
OK, I can't stand it anymore,
so come on in the gods-damned door
At Yuletide